In the first three entries in this series, we looked at the brokenness of the three main child characters with how Evan feels lost and invisible, Conor just needed reaffirmation that he was loved but he had a huge barrier put up around him that made it hard for people to connect and Zoe, the innocent bystander was hurt by two people she loved. Starting today, we shift our focus to the parents of this story and I have decided to put them together as they represent two similar sides of a coin. And seeing as Mother's Day is approaching (as I write this) I have decided to start with The Hardships of The Mothers.
Both Heidi and Cynthia are mothers that are trying their best to give their kids what they think they need. Much like Conor's entry, I feel that it helps to first look at a song that was ultimately cut from the musical and that is quite a crime.
I chose this video specifically as it highlights that this song was cut because they felt it was giving too much characterization to Cythina and I think that is part of a problem we should be allowed to see her grieve. She is a mother that has just lost her son and you really get a great sense of that here and the musical does go out of its way to show that Cynthia is going out of her way to make Evan feel like a part of her family as she wants to fill the gap left by Conor's suicide and in her mind, his "best friend" is the closest thing she has to her son. Which makes what she goes through all the more heartbreaking. Which can be heard in Cynthia's section of the song, Requiem.
Take a look at what Cynthia says here during this number.
I hear your voice, I feel you near
Within these words, I finally find you
And now that I know that you are still here
I will sing no requiem tonight
Cynthia has truly bought into what Evan is selling her because she wants to have good memories of her son. Which ties back into the idea that somewhere deep down, the Murphy's needed Evan's lie. I'm still iffy on that idea myself but I do see what this was attempting as Cynthia is probably the one of the family that is hit the hardest by Conor's actions. She would do anything to have her son back and that is seen through those words.
Now, I feel that we need to rewind a bit and go back to the very first song from this musical as that shows Heidi and Cynthia in mom roles as they are really trying.
In many regards, I feel if people listened to this song not knowing it was attached to Dear Evan Hansen, they would think that it came from a lighthearted musical. On a surface level, this song is a cute number about two moms that want to do the best for their children but they don't know how to do this. This ties into something I mentioned about these two moms showing similar sides of a coin. Consider that Cynthia is part of a typical nuclear family, there's a mother, a father, a son and a daughter. To the outside world, that may seem perfect and idyllic but as the musical shows us anyone can have problems. Heidi is a single mom working as a nurse and going to school at night to better herself. Her family may seem messy to the outside world but as she states, she is trying to make it work. Which brings us to her character and her hardship, just as Cynthia lost her son, Heidi feels that she doesn't know her son and is losing him to another family. This is best exemplified when the Murphys offer to pay for Evan to go to college and that makes Heidi feel worthless. This moment makes Heidi feel small and worthless.
Just take a look at what she says.
I'm just, we do have money. So, I'm sorry that you were the impression that we didn't And whatever money we don't have, Evan will either get a scholarship or go to a community college and that's... I think the best thing for us to do.
Those words hit hard as they speak to Heidi realizing that her son isn't the person she thought he was and he had been living a life she had no idea about with a family that in her eyes is better off than the two of them.
Right after this scene, Heidi and Evan have a huge blow-up and I don't want to quote it as that would make this blog extremely long but I want to look at something that is said towards the end.
Evan: I know I'm such a burden. I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you. I ruined your life.
Heidi: You are the only... the one good thing that has ever happened to me, Evan. I'm sorry I can't give you anything more than that. Shit.
Now, I could include what Evan says right before the number Good for You starts but something interesting to point out is that Heidi realizes that she has lost her son to the Murphys as she points out that they act like they have adopted him and Evan tries to rebut by saying they're nice. You really get a sense of heartbreak throughout this whole sequence that leads to anger from Heidi's part and it is a little justifiable.
Now, while this song does include other people partaking in what TV Tropes would call a Reasons You Suck speech/song for the sake of this article, I'm only interested in Heidi's part as I have seen some interpret this as Evan's psyche calling him out but I prefer the idea that these real people are actually calling him out as he needs to own up for what he did and with Heidi's part, we get a sense of heartbreak that cannot be understated. Look at these words.
Well I'm sorry you had it rough
And I'm sorry I'm not enough
Thank God they rescued you
These words echo the sentiments of Heidi's anger from the fight that preceded this song and wow, it packs a punch as these words indicate how much a failure Evan has made his mother feel like because of his actions. But he is still her son and she will always love him because...
Your mom isn't going anywhere
Your mom is staying right here
Those lines come from a song in the show that I would equate to Baby Mine and phew, waterworks are coming.
So Big/So Small brings us full circle back to how we heard mothers admitting that they're trying their best as we hear Heidi open herself up and admit that while she knows that she'll fail as that is a part of life as she will always be there for her son and she understands how easy it is to feel lost or invisible in this big world or as she puts it small.
When it all feels so big
'Til it all feels so small
This speaks to Heidi being a good mom that will do whatever it takes to make sure her son is afforded every opportunity to know that he has value and worth in not just her eyes but on this earth. It's a beautiful message that more people could use.
Both of these mothers face hardships of losing their son in one way or another, sadly Cynthia cannot get her son back but Heidi is able to come to understand her son and everything he had been going through as that song comes after she finds Evan's letter and realizes it was a suicide note. That is what she meant by making everything feel so small, once she saw that her mom instincts kicked in and realized that her son needed her support. Which again is something that sad to say Cynthia and the rest of her family failed to give Conor. That does not make her a bad mother as she wanted to help her son and she loved him but after he took his life, she wanted to live with this false memory as it made the pain go away. While that may seem nice, that is not something one should do. Both these mothers face extreme hardships that make your heart break for them and you want to help them but it's hard. I guess the biggest lessons to take away from this article is to let your mother know you love her and don't ignore her love either. Peace!
