We have already established that a large theme of Dear Evan Hansen is brokenness and that comes in many forms. Today, we are looking at the most tragic character from musical, Connor Murphy. (I'll admit that it's a little eerie that the character who took his life shares my last name). But before we can delve too deep into Connor and what his character shows, I want to look at something that aligns with Evan because and if you saw the previous entry, you'd know that there are spoilers for this blog. But look at the cover of the book.
What do you see? A tree? Well, you aren't wrong as a tree does grace the cover of the book but the tree is more than just a tree here. It has an in-story meaning as the summer before the musical takes place, Evan was working at a park and one day his anxiety got the best of him and he climbed up a tree to jump out of it and end his life. He survived and was left with the cast as a souvenir.
But let's take this a bit further and apply the symbolism of the tree to what these two characters felt. There are two ways that I view this. The first being that the tree is the only tree that we see and that could symbolize the loneliness that both Evan and Connor felt as they both felt alone and as though, people didn't care about them. The other way I view this is that trees can be strong and have the roots to hold them up and support them and that can be applied to how people like Connor and Evan if they had had support, things could have gone differently for them. Or maybe, it's just a tree, who knows?
But that does bring us to what I'm hoping to discuss today in that much like Evan, Connor felt alone and as though people didn't care about him and that is ultimately why he took his life. Now, the audience doesn't get a lot of time with the real Connor as he takes his life so early but thankfully, his Wiki page provides a better description of his personality.
Connor Murphy dressed in a black hoodie and black pants. He wore black boots and carried a worn brown messenger bag. He had long, unkempt hair and his nails were painted black. While the audience never gets to truly know Connor because he commits suicide very early on, he appears sarcastic, sullen and angers easily. It is implied that he is severely depressed, bipolar and has a lot of anger and family issues
I am so glad that the description mentions his clothing as black is a color that is often associated with death.
Now again, that is me looking into things but I believe that this helps the audience to understand Connor and how he had withdrawn from society. Now, we can compare what Connor wears to Evan's famous blue shirt and how it's bright and vibrant.
Where am I going with this? Well, blue is a more welcoming color and if people didn't know Evan, they might see what he is wearing and assume that he is approachable. The color choices that Connor wears do not exactly give the sense that he is interested in interaction with other people. Please understand that I am not trying to blame the victim here but rather I am attempting to highlight that people can hurt in different ways. And that's what we see with the character of Connor. The audience never gets to know Connor nor did the people in the musical know the real Connor. Which I think is important to understand as Connor takes his life offstage. And this is a move that I appreciate as the audience doesn't need to know how Connor ended his life. Because these things can just happen. Now, there is a cut song from the musical that suggests that Connor died of a drug overdose but I think the show works better without that.
Now, this song is sung by Cynthia, Connor and Zoe's mother and we'll we have two blogs before we get to hardship of the mothers in this blog but her singing here helps to illustrate a point, people are more interested in remembering a version of Connor rather than the real Connor and that partly comes from Evan giving the Murphy's the lie as when they find his body, it is after a confrontation where Connor had taken the therapy letter that Evan had written for himself and Evan in that moment didn't know what to do and just went with the lie of being friends with Connor as he didn't want to break their heart.
Now, Mike Faist, Connor's original actor was quoted as saying
I beleive Connor is someone is filled with a lot of emotions but doesn't know how to express them.
Which does make sense and we can see that as he has closed himself off. Now, something the novelization does add another layer to Connor by making him a part of the LGTBQ community. Now, I know that wasn't the case in the show but so many fans of the show read Connor as gay and I can see that because as many people have brought up before, while strides are being made to give more support to the LGTBQ community, there is still a long way to go. We discover this through Connor himself as he becomes a second narrator and kind of a Greek Chorus figure commenting on the events that are happening after he dies. It's an interesting choice but not one that I think benefitted the story.
The one thing that it did give the character of Connor is that it showed how disgusted he was at how people suddenly cared about him now that he was gone, yet they didn't take the time to care about him while he was alive. That does work to some degree because keep in mind as I have stated, the Connor that we see on the stage after his death is a fabrication. Which brings us perhaps one of the most interesting aspects and to quote RENT.
You live a lie
One could argue that is directed towards Evan as he feeds the lie but no, it is also directed towards Connor's parents. I will not throw Zoe in there as she is the innocent in all this. Evan's lie about Connor is seen through the song, For Forever
With Evan's case, it's tricky as when you read Through the Window, the behind-the-scenes book about the musical, they make the case that the Murphy's needed the lie in order to be brought closer together.
I get it and there's no easy answer in a situation like this but one could look at that statement and assume that it is letting Evan off the hook. And that would not be unjust or unfair but Evan has a constant reminder as Connor's name is the only name that was his cast.
Now yes, Evan does attempt to amend for his misdeeds by starting The Connor Project as a way to help people in need but still... Connor's parents are worse here as they had already lied to themselves before Connor took his life in that there was no hope of saving him, his father especially looked at Connor as a lost cause. Neither parent was willing to reach out and figure out what was happening with Connor. Yes, in this day and age, there are so many more sources that people with suicidal tendencies have to help them. If you type the word suicide into the YouTube search bar, the first result you get is the phone number for the Suicide Prevention hotline.
But here's' the thing, when someone has reached the point of no return, it might be too late for them to attempt and reach out and use these sources. I know this because when I through my first experience of ending it all, I felt as though it was all over and there was a sense of shame and embarrassment that I felt would have resulted from calling that number. But now, I know that is not the case and while I was able to reach out and explain to people what I was feeling, not everyone can do that such as the case with Connor. Let's look at the song, Disappear for a moment here and in particular the opening bit of dialogue.
Guys like you and me we're just the losers
Who keep waiting to be seen, right?
I mean no one seems to care or stops to notice that we're there
So we get lost in the in-between
The Dear Evan Hansen Wiki states in this song that Evan is envisioning Connor's ghost but that's not how I read this song, I kinda picture it as Evan projecting his guilt onto the fabrication of Connor that he has created and that is what leads him to want to do the right thing. Even still, this song is important as it highlights how society needs to reach out to people and let them know that are loved and cared about and that no-one should as the song states Disappear.
One has to think that if Connor had heard words such as what the song is conveying, there's a chance that we would have understood that people cared about him instead of being rightly pissed because he felt alone. Now, this is not to say that Connor was free of problems as he was a bit verbally abusive towards his younger sister but we have to understand that Connor didn't live an easy life. Again, not blaming the victim but trying to understand the situation. We'll delve more into Zoe in the next installment but she is perhaps the one character that my heart broke for the most.
Returning to my original statement of what this blog is about, no matter what if you see someone that looks like they need help, don't be afraid to go up to them and offer a hand. They may not want to talk about what's bugging them but they will need someone to listen. An ear and a hand are two of the most important things they'll need. The only way to end this in my opinion is with this piece from the song, Disappear.
